Let’s pretend for a second that after every the statues that Christopher Columbus come down, the city in reality decides to adjust its name. In that scenario, is Flavortown — a cheeky tribute to the king of frosted tips (sorry, Smashmouth), male Fieri — yes, really the finest we can do? Yes, the Food Network star was born here, and also the petition has around 50,000 signatures, but maybe it’s much better to be anonymous 보다 a laughingstock.

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If you, like me, are loath to take on this bad joke that a name, here are some other options to consider.

Franklinton

It to be the an initial American settlement in Franklin County, later annexed by Columbus. An ext than a century later, let’s take it the the contrary route and also have Franklinton annex Columbus.

Rahsaan

Rahsaan Roland Kirk was a Columbus-born jazz virtuoso. Sure, some civilization won’t know how to pronounce the surname of this legend, however that hasn’t quit Gallipolis indigenous existing.

Buttercup

Vermont seems to have actually the sector cornered top top skoolies. Let’s obtain in on that action.

Yoakamville

Songwriter Dwight Yoakam to be born in Kentucky but raised in Columbus, graduating from Northland High college (and summary attending Ohio State) in the ’70s. As far as I have the right to tell he doesn’t come back to city much, yet when’s the critical time you observed Fieri in Columbus once a camera wasn’t around?

Land of Thunderbirds

Let’s bring Adam Hernandez’s mythical world come life. (Also a an excellent excuse to cover the city through public art.)

Columbus Alive

Honestly, Alive could really usage the advancement help, and instead of link the name through Christopher (or, as his friends called him, “Chris”), citizens would rather recall the plucky alt-weekly the wouldn’t die, even when it was reduced to an virtual publication with two staffers.

Ope

“Ope” has become a treasured item of Midwestern slang — that thing you instinctively say when you by chance bump right into someone (or also almost coincidentally bump into them). Let’s embrace our awkwardly polite Midwestern-ness while additionally admitting we made a mistake through the totality name-the-city-after-a-pillaging-slave-trader thing.

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On the Map

Every couple of months, some occasion or business or brand is billed together the point that will put Columbus “on the map.” the both tiresome and stupid. Our city doesn’t require a singular point to put it ~ above the radar of coastal dwellers. The fine because that a city to it is in a repertoire of exciting things rather than one large signifier. Possibly the only way to put this dispute to bed is to rename Columbus “On the Map.” then we will actually, literally, it is in On the Map.