I’m totally haggard. What I’m really trying to say is, I’m entirely Ted Haggard—or rather, I’m completely jealous of Ted Haggard. Last week, the previous crystal-meth-snorting, hustler-hiring evangelist claimed that he is now, after three weeks of counseling, “completely heterosexual.” What a vast relief this must be because that the poor bloke. How much simpler and less shrill should his life have now become! I’m really quite envious. ~ spending a week in the screeching girl name maelstrom the is brand-new York Fashion Week, a life of low-key heterosexuality—ahh! The Dockers, the golf shirts, the cell-phone pager strapped come one’s belt!—sounds appealingly serene. However let’s no waste time talking around old Ted. There room so countless other crackpots come opine around this week, I’m afraid I’m walking to need to jump roughly wildly, a little bit like Ted Haggard after a batch of nasty crystal.


You are watching: Did anna nicole smith do porn

Speaking the nastiness: human being continue to recoil from the odiousness of the characters in notes on a Scandal, my favorite movie in decades. A Hollywood-insider friend told me that Dame Judi it s her was rather reluctant to take on the role and the the general consensus is that if she doesn’t win the Oscar, it will certainly be due to the fact that her character, Barbara Covett, is simply too vile. To be shocked by the low nasty-threshold of every concerned. Having actually grown up in the U.K., I can tell you that there is nothing excessive around this depiction. The mrs British schoolteachers of mine youth were irate, nihilistic, fag-snorting closeted lesbians, virtually to a man. If an simple pink-cheeked lass were to have presented up at my school looking for employment, the headmistress would have actually said, “Go away, and come earlier when you have become an irate, nihilistic, fag-snorting closeted lesbian—then we can talk.” trust me, this movie is little an ext than a documentary.The exact same lily-livered prissiness is gift directed in ~ American Idol. The judges continue to be criticized because that their dull mockery the the contestants. As a loyal viewer and also person v functioning eyes and ears, I can honestly say the the contestants room not at risk, my brand-new favorite phrase. Far from it: They room all enduring from exceptionally high self-esteem and will absolutely survive the linguistic lashings that they chance upon themselves. Besides, aren’t there sufficient pleasant smarmy world on the telly? We could use more abusive, foul-mouthed and unremittingly surly people, non?Which brings us to Anna Nicole Smith: together you room no doubt aware, ns am frequently to it is in heard inveighing against porno-chic and also slutty dressing in general. That common 80’s Playboy rabbit look—fake boobs, fake hair, fake lips—is opposing of the glamorous eccentricity which i feel is the main component of an excellent style. Mine main issues with the new bleach ’n’ Botox whore-look are (a) it provides everyone watch the same and also (b) the is confusing. Dressing favor a sex worker while functioning for Avis or selling real estate is silly and misleading. You may too dress choose Simone de Beauvoir or Carrot Top.
And so to Anna Nicole: together I write these words, i feel the grief groupies gathering through their armfuls of teddy bears and cellophane-wrapped flowers. The late Vicki Lynn Hogan is about to have actually a Princess Diana moment. And why not? give that large a good send-off. Us loved she for she unpretentious honesty: Unlike every the fake hoochies described above, Anna Nicole’s bodacious porno-chic was no disingenuous—far native it. She dressed prefer a previous stripper because she to be a former stripper. A huge blonde busty bad-girl, she was—and is—the People’s Pole Dancer. May she rest in peace.Anna Nicole Smith’s career options may have actually been a bit dodgy, yet at the very least she wasn’t one astronaut. What an unacceptably goofy profession, especially for a woman. And yet the whole people has gotten in shock due to the fact that Lisa Marie Nowak—the homicidal member of the NASA love triangle—turned out to be a nutcase. The whole concept of room travel is for this reason insane—oooh! Let’s all leave suburban brand-new Jersey and go live ~ above Mars!—that that would only appeal to straight men in Dockers v God complexes and also women v mental-health problems.Here’s an additional one from mine everyone-is-surprised-except-me file: “Why would a affluent Hollywood society gal favor Kim Kardashian feel the need to make a porno tape with her one-time boyfriend, rapper Kay-J?” asked a bewildered populace critical week. Come which i answer, “Why not?” She’s just doing a Nancy Cunard. Nancy was the shipping heiress and also Negrophiliac—this is not my word: The 1920’s craze because that all things African was dubbed Negrophilia—who scandalized crusty London society in the 20’s v her black lover and her armfuls of ivory bracelets. If you prospered up affluent in boring 80’s-90’s Brentwood, wouldn’t you want to Nancy it up a bit?
Now a random fashion gripe: as a midget, ns am completely furious that the tendency for bizarrely high shoes—Louboutin, Marc Jacobs, Balenciaga, etc., etc.—hasn’t affected the men’s footwear sector at all! no a platform! no one a wedge! Zippo! In fact, men’s shoes are gaining flatter and wispier! While mine female colleagues at Barneys staggered with Fashion mainly on this monstrous constructions, i was doomed come lurk at the level of your kneecaps in mine Prada Beatle boots with a half-inch heel. Grrr!Another general annoyance: If one more person grabs me through the grosgrain-trimmed lapel of mine madly au courant velvet Thom Browne jacket and says, “Oh, you should have actually a blog!”, ns will begin snorting crystal. My conventional answer has constantly been, “I don’t need a blog—I already have a column.” but now that Cathy Horyn (NYT) and also Teri Agins (WSJ) both have actually blogs and columns, this no much longer gets me off the hook. Provided that Cathy and also Terri’s newspaper scribblings room also accessible on-line—as room mine—one is tempted to ask, “Just how numerous delivery solution does a gal require for she rants and also observations?” Finally, come affairs that the heart. I normally try to avoid gaining in the middle of celebrity break-ups, yet I to be dumbfounded regarding why Olivier Martinez would leave Kylie Minogue (non-stop Aussie great times) for Penélope Cruz (gorgeous, but, like plenty of actresses, takes herself a bit too seriously.) any kind of insights would certainly be gratefully received.


See more: Los Angeles County Of Los Angeles Sheriff’S Department, La County Sheriffs (@Lasdhq) · Twitter

PS: regarding Anna Nicole—if Nicole Kidman doesn’t snatch increase the legal rights to pat the busty bad girl in the biopic, she is do a large mistake. She might pack ~ above the pounds. This can be her Raging Bull.

*